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The Mists of Avon

HeroHQ

Now, don't get spoiled, haha.

Sounds like there's a lot more planned for Antoine and the gang!  How many chapters do ya expect it to be?

haha, reading old stories is truly a frightening experience.  It manages to both be cringeworthy and embarassing while also boosting your self-esteem.  It's...not for the weak of heart.  But yeah, you always gotta ask yourself how important that a certain detail or words are to the story.  With world building it gets trickier cause ya have the out to explain the ten paragraph detour on Avon pizza recipes being "world building" even though it's not important.  Ya gotta draw the line and get aggressive with the cutting, while keeping the big stuff and a few little stuff there.

I think being one-eyed would be a bigger problem for someone that weild a sword mother than an archer.  Swordman have to get a lot closer to fightand having one eye really leaves them with a blind spot.  Archers will usually have a bit of distance between them and the target so the blindspot wouldn't be quite as dangerous to them, though Silas could still get caught off guard cause of the limited vision.  I imagine he'd be able to use a bow just fine though.  I heard something pretty interesting that which hand holds the bow isn't about which of your hands is the dominant one, but which which is your dominant eye.

Hawkeye Level 74
Likes: 5
Posts: 19012
Registered: ‎02-04-2012

Right now, I have 26 chapters planned, though I don't know how my new young adult novel will affect my plans for writing Mists.  There's definitely a lot planned, though.  The stuff with the dragon is kinda like the halfway point, and things will only get crazier from there!

Oh yeah, I found some truly awful stuff there, and a few flashes of cool stuff, of course.  It was hilarious how bad this one scene was, where I had a villain complaining about how he had to use a search engine to exact his revenge on people. Oh, and he starts blasting heads off statues for no apparent reason.  I don't even know where he got the statues from.  But, it showed me just how far I've come from there, which is cool.  Yeah, you definitely gotta draw the line somewhere, so I'm kinda trying to figure the right place to draw it right now.  You need some details to make sure the world feels alive, but there's a point where too much bogs it down a bit and doesn't feel natural.

Well, it'd really mess up your depth perception as an archer, though, in terms of judging your shots.  It would be awful with a sword, though.  Basically, my advice is to keep both your eyes, no matter how much people offer for them on the black market.  That's a pretty useful tip, though, that I'll keep in mind when writing him shooting arrows.

Rogue_Shadow1
Likes: 14
Posts: 7916
Registered: ‎01-04-2012

Have you started writing the new novel already?

Every super villain has a large supply of statues for just such an occassion!

I'm not so sure depth perception would be a factor.  It's not like a sniper needs both eyes to look down a scope, they will have another person to help them line up the shot, but I don't think having one eye would be a hinderance for the shooter since one eye is closed anyway.  Archery bow and sniper rifle are quite a bit different, but I'm not sure needing two eyes would be necessarily for one and not the other.  With Hawkeye, I tend to think a lot of what he does is muscle memory from his ridiculous amount of training.  He doesn't really aim, outside of particularly tricky shots, so much as he just looks where he wants to fire and he naturally makes the adjusts me has to make for the shot.  So, it allows him to run, jump, and fire off shots with accuracy when he's got all sorts of super villains trying to kill him and he doesn't have the luxury of time to perfectly line up his shots.  Though I'm not sure if Silas ever had the type of training regime that Clint set for himself or if he would even still have that muscle memeory after spending quite a few years as the town drunk.

Hawkeye Level 74
Likes: 5
Posts: 19012
Registered: ‎02-04-2012

I've done all my character stuff, setup my world details and stuff, got some general plot ideas, and I started the outline a couple days ago.  The plan is to start writing in fall semester, though, since I'm doing a "directed study" where I work with an instructor, who is an expert on young adult fiction and a super cool teacher, on the novel to get feedback as I'm writing.

Of course!  It's in the Supervillain Handbook...

I didn't think about the fact that most people close one eye anyway.  But I was basically planning on it being all about muscle memory and stuff for him to still have skills anyway.  He'll have some issues with it, at first, though whether that's an issue of muscle memory not working right because of how long it's been or something else will be something you see dealt with in the story.  He was pretty crazy awesome with a bow before, though, probably around Clint's level.  He wasn't just your average archer, after all.  I figure that if I'm going to write an archer, he's gonna be an awesome archer.  Otherwise, he wouldn't fit in with people who can throw fireballs and stuff anyway! haha

Rogue_Shadow1
Likes: 14
Posts: 7916
Registered: ‎01-04-2012

I hope I aint spoiling you with so many reviews!  I bet better put off the next one by nine months so ya don’t get some kind of crazy expectations!

So, after leaving the dragon revelation hanging from the last chapter, I really like that ya had Antoine address it right away and giving the quest more context.  Ya fill out details on it being a near impossible task and a bit of s suspicious one at that, with Antoine reflecting on whether Beatrice is as benevolent as she’s said to be.  I also liked the way you worked Silas into the equation with a connection to Sonia’s father.  It felt like a really natural way to bring him into the picture.  He’s not being thrown into it out of the blue and with the long friendship between Antoine and Ruby, it gives the team dynamic someone that Sonia is a bit more familiar with.  It helps Sonia be a little less of an outsider by having someone that has that military history opposed to the thief/mercenary background.

The scene where they officially recruit Silas was fun, especially considering Ruby had just busted his chops and stole his wallet earlier in the day.  Seems like the kind of awkwardness that only Ruby can create, haha.  I thought it pretty interesting that Silas and Sonia’s father went on their own quest to kill the dragon, which makes it seem like there’s a lot more to killing the dragon than just bragging rights.  Gonna be fun to see how it connects to the Lion’s Seal and why the Avon rulers are so intent on killing the dragon.

So, besides Silas’s recruitment ya delved a bit into Ruby’s backstory, which was pretty cool.  It’s a tragic way to lose her parents and pretty much everything she had, so its understandable how much she hates Silas.  I’m a little surprised she’s so easy going with Sonia, though I suppose Ruby is cutting her a break since she was too young to have anything to do with the death of her parents.  Silas comes off pretty regretful about the whole thing, but it looks like it’ll be a while before Ruby can warm up to him and understandably so.  I’m sure it’ll make for a pretty entertaining journey in the mean time, haha.  Their sniping remarks are great fun!

I felt there was something off about the scene between Sonia and Antoine in her room and I think it comes down to the two of em came off more like teenagers than adults.  An adult is indignant over a lack of respect, a teenager pouts because they can’t go to their friend’s party.  Sonia comes off a bit pouty over her mom giving her clothes instead of a shiney new lance and how she’s misunderstood.  Both stem from a perceived disrespect, but there’s a world of difference in how that’s expressed, yeah?  Antoine suffers from a little teenagitus too, though in his case he comes across really sensitive to what isn’t what’d I consider a bad situation.  It might not be an ideal situation considering what Sonia could have, but living amongst her fellow knights and having a Mom that cares enough to send presents and tries to dissuade her only child from going into a highly dangerous career path is not the worst thing. But you could still make him comforting without making her situation seem worst than it is. 

Everyone’s pain is personal and different and I don’t think it’s fair to compare Sonia’s situation to Ruby.  Sonia can rightly be pissed off with her mom and Antoine can sympathize with her, but you gotta express it right.  And not with phrases like “I shouldn’t complain”, which come across as unnatural (no one ever excuses themselves before complaining about their sports team, haha), but with the words you choose and how the complaints are constructed.  So, I feel like ya can improve on that for the next time ya address Sonia’s home life.

But despite that one scene, it was another strong chapter!  The plot is progressing nicely while still throwing in a bit of character development along the way.  It can only get better with a dragon now in the mix, haha.  I look forward to the next awesome chapter to come!

Hawkeye Level 74
Likes: 5
Posts: 19012
Registered: ‎02-04-2012

Whoa, another review!?  No way! haha

Yeah, Silas, Sonia's dad, and Lorenzo (the dude that killed Sonia's dad) are supposed to be like the Three Muskateers or something, where they're supposed to be some kinda legendary team of knights.  I figured it made sense to connect Sonia and Silas together, since Antoine and Ruby got their own history and all that.  And I figured Antoine should be suspicious of pretty much anything right now after he just got betrayed a couple of chapters ago by his friend.  So, if he gets some kinda weird mission out of the blue, it makes sense he wouldn't be quick to go trusting Beatrice. 

But, yeah, I think Ruby and Silas will be a pretty fun pair to have around.  They really don't get along, though it's a bit more one-sided than it was with Antoine and Sonia.  And they're not exactly traditional, dragon-slaying heroes. They're a thief and an alcoholic.  Not exactly people they make statues of, you know?

The Sonia scene was the scene I wasn't totally sure what to do with, actually.  I like the idea I had, since it totally makes sense that Sonia would want to be like her father as a knight, but her mom would try to raise her in a way where she's trying to stop her from doing such a dangerous job.  After all, you'd think she spent years worrying about her husband dying in a battle, so she wouldn't want to deal with the same thing for her daughter.  But the execution... yeah, that's where the problem is.  I think it would've worked best if I wouldn't have made it its own scene, actually.  If you just have little details here and there that relate to Sonia's home life, as you called it, it would come across more natural and less whiny.  Antoine could totally comment on how its weird that she doesn't live in her father's big estate (which Sonia would probably just deflect, like she did at first in this scene), but I didn't need to jump right from that to the thing about her mom.  Eventually, he would see that she doesn't get along with her mom, but it doesn't need to come in one whine session.  To be honest, I added this idea in halfway through the chapter.  Sonia's mom isn't even mentioned in any of my outlines, so planning it ahead better would've definitely helped in avoiding the whine-fest that this scene ended up like.  Not that it couldn't be done effectively in a scene, but I think it'd be a lot easier to do effectively if it was spread out a bit more.  That's my idea about how to do that part better, at least.  Maybe you have other ideas about it. 

But, yes, dragons do make everything 300% more awesome.  Thanks for the review, Hawk!

Rogue_Shadow1
Likes: 14
Posts: 7916
Registered: ‎01-04-2012

Hmm, I'm not sure that spreading it out would necessarily made her mom revelation better.  I mean, there's been a lot said about her father already, trickled out throughout the story, that I think you can just drop the info about her mom out in one scene.  It probably would be easier to trickle out the information about her mom, but doing it all at once also gives a chance for some nice character bonding.  It's all in the execution though and if you don't think you'd be able to do it well in on scene, it'd probably be best to do it the way you're more comfortable with.

Hawkeye Level 74
Likes: 5
Posts: 19012
Registered: ‎02-04-2012

It's not that I only would've spread out the information but kept everything the same, since I figure I wouldn't have used a kinda lame device like the present she got from her mom if I wasn't doing this as one scene.  Though it totally is possible to do it in one scene, I do think it would've been simpler to spread it out.  Maybe it would've worked better as a scene if it was a bit more direct, actually.  There's no reason Antoine couldn't have just asked why she never mentions her mom when she talks his ear off about how great her dad was.  Sonia wouldn't have come off as super whiny and looking for a place to drop all her complaints about her mom that way.  Or it could've been done through Silas, actually, since it would make sense if he knew her mom, and that could lead to some info about them not getting along.  My instinct here is that I'd do it best if I spread it out, though, so that probably would've been the best approach to it. 

Rogue_Shadow1
Likes: 14
Posts: 7916
Registered: ‎01-04-2012

The shiney pink dress is a tad on the nose, haha.  I think only Princess Peach would wear something like that.  I'm not sure I could see Antoine asking that, he doesn't seem like the type to prod people too much about their personal lives, but the Silas option sounds like it'd be the the best way to go.  Kind of a natural "So, how's your mom these days?" question and Sonia revealing they don't get along too well with Silas maybe imparting a bit of wisdom on her about her parents.  I think you could've easily avoided Sonia coming off too whiney if ya had addressed it that way.

Hawkeye Level 74
Likes: 5
Posts: 19012
Registered: ‎02-04-2012

Yep, I thought about the fact that Antoine probably wouldn't ask too much about someone else's past when he seems to make a point to not tell anyone about his.  So, yeah, the Silas option probably would've been the best and most subtle option.  It would've totally flowed into the story much better, especially since she was seeing Silas for the first time in a while anyway.  It would've been pretty natural for him to ask about her mom, and Sonia's reaction would definitely shed some light on the situation.  I don't know how many words of wisdom Silas has to give out while drunk, but he definitely would sympathise a bit more with the mom and be able to point out her perspective a bit.  

Rogue_Shadow1
Likes: 14
Posts: 7916
Registered: ‎01-04-2012
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