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The Mists of Avon

HeroHQ

RS - Sorry I haven't commented on this new story yet.  I'm enjoying the change of scenery from your last set of adventures with The Guardian.  I'm always up for a good swords-and-magic fantasy.  I'm liking this one so far! (you'll have to rely more on Hawk for the mentoring which he does so well...I'm more of a "fan cheering from the stands" )

Jadryx1
Likes: 6
Posts: 5244
Registered: ‎04-04-2012

@Rogue - I can certainly see how Ruby would be a fun character to write!

@Hawk - Haha, mentoring is a strong word.

Hawkeye Level 74
Likes: 5
Posts: 19012
Registered: ‎02-04-2012

@Jad: Glad you're liking it so far!  And I should have even more time for writing when the summer starts in a couple of weeks, so you'll probably be able to expect new chapters a little more often, too.

@Hawk: Yeah, way more fun than lame characters like Hawkeye... haha

Rogue_Shadow1
Likes: 14
Posts: 7916
Registered: ‎01-04-2012

Talking to yourself again Hawk?

Sheesh...first I don't use a strong enough word in the other thread and now the word is too strong.  See why I'm not so good with words?

Jadryx1
Likes: 6
Posts: 5244
Registered: ‎04-04-2012

Maybe you should just draw pictures...?  Get an Etch 'n' Sketch or something.

Rogue_Shadow1
Likes: 14
Posts: 7916
Registered: ‎01-04-2012

@Jad - Haha, I remember that sci-fi you wrote in college.  I'd say you're pretty good with words!

@Rogue - Reading the latest chapter the thing that really hit me was how much it felt like I was reading the script for a fantasy video game, which is pretty fun!  Especially cause they seem to love their prison escapes and the guards looking for promotions felt like Biggs and Wedge, haha.  The whole thing was great though!  I loved the start with Antoine and Sonia entering the city claiming to be mercenaries and Sonia’s internal reaction to having to pretend to be what she despises.  The way you handled the whole conversation was great and well explained and felt very believable regarding why they were traveling to Wolt and the trader.  The descriptions of the city fort were well done and so was the bar scene.  It was fun to harken back to the first chapter with Sonia referring to the bar fight and to see the characters talk about it.  The bartender exchange was efficient and effective, though just felt right and was a nice tease toward what sort of person Ruby is.  Sonia sitting out of the prison bust felt like a good choice and made it feel a bit more special for Antoine to rescue his friend alone.

I thought Ruby came off very awesome and a great attention to the story.  She’s really full of life and feisty.  The clues into her relationship to Antoine were great, you definitely got the feeling they were pretty close without getting mushy.  I like the twist in Sonia’s backstory too, with her father being betrayed.  It was a nice bookend to the way the chapter started by having Sonia reminisce about her father and end with the revelation about what happened to her father.  The only misstep for me was that break between Antoine meeting up with Ruby and pretending to escort her as a prisoner.  Given that there was no switch in POV or notable time passage, it felt a bit odd to cut off the one Ruby scene and restarting like ten minutes later.

But other than that, it was a great issue and by far your best yet!  Now you better get started on the new one so I can find out what happens, haha.

Hawkeye Level 74
Likes: 5
Posts: 19012
Registered: ‎02-04-2012

Wow, you weren't kidding when you said it was gonna be a positive review!  It kinda makes sense that it's like a fantasy video game script, actually, since I get a lot of ideas from video games.  I first decided to write this story when I was playing Final Fantasy IX.  The town of Wolt is actually meant to be kinda like a bigger version of Hoax from Legend of Dragoon.  It's a town that's been built up like a fortress because of a war.

I'm glad Ruby came across well, since I've been pretty excited to start writing her in the story for a while now.  You just can't beat a fiery thief character.  The next chapter's gonna focus a little more on Ruby, too, since she just showed up like halfway through this one.  I got a flashback planned about her and Antoine that should be pretty fun.

You definitely got a point about the scene break, though.  I could've just gotten to it with a little narration, instead of doing the scene break.

Rogue_Shadow1
Likes: 14
Posts: 7916
Registered: ‎01-04-2012

@Hawk - thanks!  That was actually from high school so I'm sure my skills have gotten a bit rusty since then.

Jadryx1
Likes: 6
Posts: 5244
Registered: ‎04-04-2012

@Rogue - Which is shocking because you never talk about fantasy RPGs!  It's always Call of Duty this and Battlefield that...

Sweet! Will you touch on the palace break-in much or is the next chapter mostly about the characters?

@Jad - Probably, though the talent would still be there beneath the rust.

Hawkeye Level 74
Likes: 5
Posts: 19012
Registered: ‎02-04-2012
Highlighted

And Halo, too, of course.  You know me and the XBox 360 that I don't own...

It's mostly about the characters, especially Ruby and Antoine.  Doing a flashback to when they first met, which should be a fun little adventure.  But the end is gonna kinda lead into the palace break-in, especially since they still haven't gotten it worked out who's actually taking part in it.  They didn't exactly get a chance to discuss that with all the craziness.

Rogue_Shadow1
Likes: 14
Posts: 7916
Registered: ‎01-04-2012
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